Marriage

Some Reflections on Another Year of Marriage in NY

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

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The weather this week has included thunder and rain storms along with tornado warnings.

Yes, I said tornado warnings.

It’s also been in the low 50’s which is a bummer since the last two weeks have been around 75 degrees.

On today’s blog Seth and I will be doing a Q&A on our marriage since living in New York. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask us! I thought you guys might like something different. 🙂

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  1. What has been the biggest change in our marriage since moving to New York?
    • Seth: I think that our isolated location has caused us to rely on one another more. Not only do we need to trust each other for practical things like planning grocery runs and taking care of chores proactively, but we’ve also had to depend on each other relationally. Alex is my best friend up here, but she’s also one of my only friends because Houghton is an incredibly small place. It’s a joy to be both friends and lovers, and our little chunk of New York has really made that a reality for us.
    • Alex: One of the biggest changes I think has been not being around our immediate family. We lived close to both of our families throughout college and never knew anything different until we moved to New York. It’s been hard, but I also think great joy has come from living away from our immediate family because Seth and I have to rely only on each other more – making our marriage really strong. If we can move from Oklahoma to New York, we can make it through anything together.
  2. What has been the biggest challenge in our marriage since moving to New York?
    • Seth: Alex has sacrificed a huge deal by allowing me to pursue my dream of higher education. She is working jobs that often feel inconsequential so that I can go to school, and it’s hard for me sometimes to come to grips with the fact that her dreams are being laid aside for mine. She is the most selfless person I know.
    • Alex: I think the biggest challenge in our marriage since moving to New York has been the location. It has been difficult finding a job; therefore, because I am frustrated with my job search it makes its way into our marriage and I become frustrated easier. I love being able to support Seth since moving here, but I have had to put aside what I want to do with my career and just make the best of the situation that I have been in.
  3. What new strengths have you seen in your spouse?
    • Seth: This last semester I’ve gotten to see Alex as a business professional in her work at Houghton College. Her training has paid off – she’s quite good at what she does. She’s also incredibly good at keeping us on schedule and making sure that we have meals planned and food in the fridge (which is quite an affair cause the store is an hour away).
    • Alex: I have seen Seth persevere these last two semesters, like I have not seen before. When we found out that Seth’s composition professor was not coming back for the Spring semester.. Seth really stepped it up through 4 hours of GRE study during Christmas break every morning, spending time filling out applications, working on his compositions, and being a husband. He has developed strength & perseverance  in the midst of major life challenges.
  4. What is one thing that you have learned about your marriage?
    • Seth: Alex was raised in an environment where conflict was dealt with internally before it was confronted. I’ve had to learn that there’s a lot of good to be said for this, and that sometimes we just need time to heal our quibbles. I think that our ability to solve conflicts is one of our strongest traits as a couple.
    • Alex: Seth was the best partner that God could have picked out for me. I am a better person because of him. I have also learned how important having the holy spirit within you is. We have had to make some of the hardest decision since being married in New York and without the holy spirit within us, I think we would have made the wrong choices.
  5. Fondest memory together?
    • Seth: This is a tough one, but I think I have a winner. One time Alex and I had just dealt with a very tricky situation that took a lot out of us emotionally. Afterword, we went on a walk around a graveyard (it was less depressing than it sounds) and then went to eat some wings together in Rochester. It seems simple, but it was so nice to be able to detox with her after such a stressful time.
    • Alex: I think my fondest memory was that after five months of GRE studying/test taking, applications, money spending, miles driven, anxiety, and nervousness we found out that Seth got into Eastman (one of the most competitive programs in the world). Everything came full circle right then and there. All of our tears and worries paid off. We had a direction and we are now ready for God to guide us in this next chapter of our life.
  6. What has God shown you about your marriage?
    • Seth: We aren’t like most other couple. We have chosen to explore and learn for a while instead of starting a family. It’s been hard to accept that this is okay, but I think we’re getting there! We sure can’t wait for little people running around though, when the time is ‘Wright’.
    • Alex: I think He has shown us that through His guidance, making the hard adult decisions pays off. Doing the hard thing isn’t always easy, but I would much rather make the hard decision and stay on God’s path than make the easy decision so I feel comfortable.
  7. What have you learned about your spouse?
    • Seth: I feel like it sounds cliche to attribute my success to my wife, but it’s just the truth – there’s no way around it. Every career victory I’ve had this past year was possible because of Alex. She helped me stay up and edit scores before concerts, she made sure I was fed and emotionally stable in the midst of ridiculous weeks, she is consistently putting my needs before her own, and she is always humble in the midst of it. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it forever: my wife is the most selfless person I know.
    • Alex: Seth is so determined and serious about providing for me and our future family. (Not that he hasn’t been in the past) but we are starting to get into the music career big leagues and every second counts. He is determined, but he also loves what he does and I would much rather want him to love what he does and not make much money than hating his career and making a million dollars each year.
  8. How would you want to see your marriage develop in the coming year?
    • Seth: I want to see Alex get plugged into some volunteer or ministry work that she is passionate about. Because we’re moving to a big city next semester I’m making it my personal goal to see her thrive, make friends, and get started doing work that makes her feel valuable.
    • Alex: I am really excited about this upcoming year with our new life in Rochester. Since we were married I have seen Seth throughout the day on a regular basis. That could change come Fall and if that does I want us to make sure that we sit down at the end of the day and just have a good conversation with no distractions. It’s so easy to get caught up in life and forget to sit down over a nice dinner and talk with spouse.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this – we love you guys, and we sure do look forward to seeing many of you in Oklahoma soon!

Alex

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One thought on “Some Reflections on Another Year of Marriage in NY

  1. I agree. Living away from family does allow a couple to rely solely on each other. I think it is great for a relationship..not that being near to family is bad.
    Also, great to see goals! My husband and I set goals every year for our marriage. It allows us to reflect on our marriage and work to make it even better. We pray about our goals and for each other and commit them to God.

    Like

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